You know, I'm starting to seriously entertain the idea that I might have some sort of psychological defect or problem of sorts. What's funny is that it probably would have completely escaped my notice, had I not recently become addicted to table-top rpg's. I've always put a lot of time and thought into creating my characters, and I end up getting really attached to them, but this is silly, borderline crazy.

See, my friend recently got me into this game called World of Darkness. Kinda like D&D, but a bit easier, in my opinion. So I created a character for it. Nothing special or really terribly exciting. But I felt that she needed a past, so I gave her a really terrible angsty one, naturally. And it was the villain that came about through that past that's now got me questioning my sanity.

The DM never should have agreed to allow this villain into the game. Shit, I never should have even told him about this guy, because the DM really likes him, and loves torturing the shit out of my character with him. And I keep giving him ideas, and I absolutely love every second of it.

That's what bugs me. I've been writing crack filler for these two characters non-fucking-stop. Seriously, I can't stop. It's a challenge, every time I turn on my laptop, to not open up a file and read what I've written, or keep writing. And it's disturbing shit. Really fucked up disturbing shit. And It bothers me that I'm able to write this fucked up disturbing shit this easily. And then I give this stuff to the DM and he makes all my nightmares come true, and it's AWESOME.

That would be weird enough, except that I'm becoming way too like the heroine (if you can call her that) for my liking. Every time the DM tells me what's going to happen, even just a hint or cryptic line or something, I get literally sick with fear and apprehension, like she would, and at the same time it makes me so giddy that I was skipping down the hallway the other day.

...it's really very strange. I'm sure people would tell me I'm crazy. I think they might be right. And the sad thing is, I'm enjoying myself so much that it's probably wrong on some level.

All I can say is this: I read somewhere that the more attention and thought you put into an idea, the more powerful it becomes and, in a supernatural sense, the more chance it has of materializing. If that's the case, considering my past and recent history of character creation...

...I'm fucked. So completely and utterly fucked.